If you really knew me...

dancing with bliss. BITCH.

So.... here I am. Drinking a nasty ass mix of cheap ass vodka & pineapple soda..
Trying to drink my stresses away for the moment AS USUAL.

If you really knew me...
you would know that I really considered joining AA [alcoholics anonymous]
no, like seriously.
it would be something like..
"Hi my name is Jolie...I'm 22...and I'm an alcoholic."
Ya'll don't understand though... drinking makes me a lot of things but most importantly
drinking makes me happy. It allows me to be myself.
I've tried to stop...well uh. I've tried to stop drinking so much. yea. there we go.
yup, I have been wasted so much to the point to where i'm throwing up and
crying to the porcelain bowl all at once..and of course there have been times where I've tried to fight people..
now, what kind of alcoholic would I be without times like that??
but NOW in my more proffessional days of alcohol consumption [ahaa]
I've done pretty well.
but whats the main cause of all this foolishness?
shiiiiid...what isn't the cause?
It all started in '08..I was in love, I was depressed and looking like a dummy.
long story short, I got hurt in the end. It was my first love too..
 I lost an excessive amount of weight because I didn't want to eat and everytime I tried,
I felt like throwing up! I cried for no reason, I cried for a reason, shit I would wake up and go to sleep
I stumbled upon a little thing called Ecstasy..yup I said it. Ecstasy.
and I ain't gon lie..to me..at the time, it was the best shit I've ever encountered.
pop that baby and throw back 3-5 shots behind it and you're set like a muthafucka.
long story short again- I was hooked.
poppin' pills everyday..
I was losing my mind with that shit.
I just didn't give a fuck. But I didn't need to give a fuck at the time. I wasn't me when I was depressed.
but as time passed..I was more and more able to function
and as even more time passed I stopped taking pills and it became allllllllllll
about the alcohol.
The pills were beginning to fuck with my pockets..they're not free ya kno! lol
Me and [she knows who she is! lol] became reallll slick with the mouthpiece and we were soon able to talk our way into anything...into the club, free drinks, free pills, shiit.basically whatever we wanted.
and yes, in that state of mind- in that time- that indeed, was all I wanted.
Well...now although I'm done and been done with the pills..
liquor still remains. Love you boo! You've been here through it all....haha..
 okay, okay lemme stop.
But maybe one day things will change, anything is possible ya'll!!
even though I can't see me without alcohol.
Now don't get it twisted I can go awhile without it!
I'll be thinking about it all the while though...
Lately, I haven't really been blogging about anything of substance but this post was more personal. So if you took the time to read this...I really appreciate that. =]



  1. =/ that's intense mama. & i agree. shit gets hard & you just need to relax the only way you know how to! i'm not a big drinker but when i was 17, i got drunk for my best friend (i know, its kinda weird) but she was having a really hard time dealing with life. so we got drunk. AND I FELT SO FUCKIN' LIBERATED! the best time of my life. so i know what you mean when you say it allows you to be yourself. although i don't really drink... (my addiction is cliché)...i tend to shop =/

  2. I love to shop my damn self! ooohweee! I try to think of it as an outlet of my anxiousness but after I've spent [x] amont of dollars on whateverrr i'll be like ooohshid where the liquor attttt??? only because i'm a cheap-ass lmaooo! thanks so much for reading hun =]

  3. lmaooo!!! i'm cheap too but being cheap is WORSE because you buy MORE shit when it's LESS money lol. & no problemm : ) i love your realness.

  4. Damn. This kinda hit home for me. I didn't even start drinking until I was legal, but once I moved away from home I drank with my friends every weekend. A lot of people think you have to drink every day in order to have a problem, but that's so not the case.

    Even now, I'm back at home and my parents don't allow drinking so I haven't been drinking for months, but I wonder if I'm truly "cured."

  5. I think that the worst type of drinking is when you drink to suppress your emotions! But if you're drinking to have fun it's slightly different... But still all the same..because some ppl HAVE to drink to have fun [like me lol]