So.... here I am. Drinking a nasty ass mix of cheap ass vodka & pineapple soda..
Trying to drink my stresses away for the moment AS USUAL.
If you really knew me...
you would know that I really considered joining AA [alcoholics anonymous]
no, like seriously.
it would be something like..
"Hi my name is Jolie...I'm 22...and I'm an alcoholic."
Ya'll don't understand though... drinking makes me a lot of things but most importantly
drinking makes me happy. It allows me to be myself.
I've tried to stop...well uh. I've tried to stop drinking so much. yea. there we go.
yup, I have been wasted so much to the point to where i'm throwing up and
crying to the porcelain bowl all at once..and of course there have been times where I've tried to fight people..
now, what kind of alcoholic would I be without times like that??
but NOW in my more proffessional days of alcohol consumption [ahaa]
I've done pretty well.
but whats the main cause of all this foolishness?
shiiiiid...what isn't the cause?
It all started in '08..I was in love, I was depressed and looking like a dummy.
long story short, I got hurt in the end. It was my first love too..
I lost an excessive amount of weight because I didn't want to eat and everytime I tried,
I felt like throwing up! I cried for no reason, I cried for a reason, shit I would wake up and go to sleep
I stumbled upon a little thing called Ecstasy..yup I said it. Ecstasy.
and I ain't gon lie..to me..at the time, it was the best shit I've ever encountered.
pop that baby and throw back 3-5 shots behind it and you're set like a muthafucka.
long story short again- I was hooked.
poppin' pills everyday..
I was losing my mind with that shit.
I just didn't give a fuck. But I didn't need to give a fuck at the time. I wasn't me when I was depressed.
but as time passed..I was more and more able to function
and as even more time passed I stopped taking pills and it became allllllllllll
about the alcohol.
The pills were beginning to fuck with my pockets..they're not free ya kno! lol
Me and [she knows who she is! lol] became reallll slick with the mouthpiece and we were soon able to talk our way into anything...into the club, free drinks, free pills, shiit.basically whatever we wanted.
and yes, in that state of mind- in that time- that indeed, was all I wanted.
Well...now although I'm done and been done with the pills..
liquor still remains. Love you boo! You've been here through it all....haha..
okay, okay lemme stop.
But maybe one day things will change, anything is possible ya'll!!
even though I can't see me without alcohol.
Now don't get it twisted I can go awhile without it!
I'll be thinking about it all the while though...
Lately, I haven't really been blogging about anything of substance but this post was more personal. So if you took the time to read this...I really appreciate that. =]